Belief as a Tool When Trauma Hinders our Agency for Belief
A Thoughtful Epiphany
In my experience, learning spirituality & energetics, it was hard to even conceptualize the idea that we can utilize our beliefs as a tool not only for magic but for wellbeing. Especially when my trauma completely capitalized my beliefs out of my conscious control.
I’m not talking about manifestation culture where you can “believe your way to be a millionaire.” I’m talking about shifting a belief like “I’m not good enough” into “My presence holds value.”
In chaos magic, belief as a tool is the main functionality fueling the theory. And, if I’m to label myself as anything, it’s an A+ student. But reaching those heights of inner alchemical success (“My presence holds value”) seemed far fetched, even impossible at times.
What really led me to my current state of flexibility was adopting “baby step” beliefs. It was improbable to expect myself to jump from “I’m not good enough” to “My presence holds value” by simply saying it. Even if logically I could agree with the sentiment, my trauma bound me from truly believing it. The “baby step” beliefs allowed me to loosen those binds, serving as a crutch towards freedom.
Belief, therefore, could still be a tool in spite of trauma telling me it couldn’t. Taking small steps to shift a belief initiates a compassionate & collaborative relationship with trauma that acknowledges both the survival mentality trauma was cultivated in AND the desire for change.
Going back to Chaos magic, I add this in here because this theoretical world-view has an immense amount of influence on my life, so please bare with me for a moment. The books I had read created a foundation that bridged psychology and magic specifically in regards to shifting my reality.
Andrieh Vitimus in Hands-on Chaos Magic states, “NLP [neuro-linguistic programming] sees thoughts and feelings as habitual programs of response to inputted stimuli. … your experience of the world is not the world. The perception of the world is not the world. … your perception of the world has an impact on the world you live in.”
These sentiments were and still are profound to me. They provide a mental work-around to our beliefs in collaboration with neuroplasticity! Suddenly this was my way around the giant wall trauma had built around my core beliefs that weren’t helpful in my life anymore.
The Method
This is how that pathway began for me: with small logical-to-me steps. I’ve listed my steps out here and I’ll expand more in just a moment.
0. I’m not good enough
Light and color are frequencies that our visual range perceives, but is only a small portion of possible frequencies
Sound is a frequency our ears perceive, but again, we only detect a small portion of possible frequencies.
Your perception of reality is not objective reality.
Our perception of an event doesn’t include the background context of other people involved in the event.
Our thoughts do not define who we are. We are more than our thoughts and emotions.
Reparenting our thoughts aids in the dispersion of built-up emotions and leans on neuroplasticity for habit adjusting/forming
All unspoken needs and assumptions lead to disappointment
My voice is my power. Speaking in general is safe, okay, and necessary for myself
My presence holds value
This is my specific path work for how I used baby step beliefs to shift from “I’m not good enough” into “my presence holds value.” Granted, in practice, this took years to work through and sometimes I still have to return to this map. And, I can only put this list together now because of the journals I kept and the intense impact some of these realizations had on me.
Annnnd, there can be hundreds of reasons fueling the “I’m not good enough,” for me the strongest reason was rooted in my feelings of not being worthy to be in a space, to speak on literally anything, or express my needs. The first 3 steps bridged what I knew to be true towards a practice of self-growth where each step after specifically countered the symptoms/reasons fueling the negative belief.
I started with the belief I wanted to change and completely side stepped it. I used other world-views that made sense and clicked with me to branch from one step to another. This is not only integration, but embodiment of a practice. I am applying philosophical and spiritual ideas to incite desired change within myself through meaningful connection with those ideas. By starting with things I already knew to be true (frequencies of light and sound), stepping into a broader articulation (perception is not objective reality), I could begin to apply the theories into a workable model that becomes more than just a phrase but a roadmap towards tangible results.
Logically, if we noodle around and agree with “our perception isn’t objective reality,” this opens a doorway of interesting branching points. Maybe this means that if we can adjust our perception we can adjust our innate reality. Maybe this means that we all are living separate Truths and there’s no such thing as Objective Truth. Maybe it means that the only person who can decide what’s what is ourselves. While I still actively believe in this idea, for this instance, it became a means for growth in a manner untouchable by the survival mechanism developed by my trauma. Meaning, when I state that my perception isn’t reality, my trauma-voice is silent; instead my inner self wonders optimistically about the possibilities of life through this lens.
This feeling of common ground with my trauma-voice on a principle that could be put into practice was ultimately what signified the success of pursuing this belief-shifting method.
Each step represents a small belief that when contemplated and embodied profoundly impacted my life and became a sentiment to lean on for growth. When I’m struggling to speak or feel like I’m burdening others, I remind myself that my voice is my power, that’s it’s necessary for me to speak. I inject my opinion on small matters and build up the courage to tackle bigger challenges. When I catch myself making assumptions about other’s feelings, I remind myself that assumptions lead to disappointment and I ask the person for clarification. All of these steps are entangled and build off of each other to aid in specific situations that, given self-reflection, stem from my people-pleasing which stems from “I’m not good enough.”
These baby-beliefs are my tools for inner alchemy and regaining agency over my core. The tactics, habits, beliefs, and values that my trauma played a role in creating served a purpose for survival of that trauma. Being compassionate of that beginning and still striving for change is my path for growth. It is not who i want to be vs my trauma, it’s who I want to be while walking in hand with the experiences I’ve had in this life.
Crafting the Bridge for Yourself
To do this side-stepping baby-belief structure for yourself will take time. There is no over night fix to life. But this method truly can open the door for embodying a practice of wellness which brings longevity and sustainability to happiness.
Start at zero by articulating a belief you’d like to change and then connect to a practice you are trying to incorporate into your life. Find that foothold space where your trauma-voice becomes more wonder-struck and begin to embody that philosophy. Lean into the wonderment. Then, use the practice to address the symptoms of where the original belief detracts from where you’re wanting to grow. And as these symptoms begin to lessen and other supportive beliefs form, you’ll reach your goal of shifting core beliefs into something new that feels more aligned.
The general structure:
Zero: the initial belief.
1-3ish: connecting to a practice/philosophy.
4-8: applying practice to the reasons fueling the initial belief and forming small combatively cooperative beliefs rooted in the practice.
9: The reformed core belief.
My biggest strength and greatest challenge is my logical analysis. My trauma detached me from my emotions and all I knew how to do was to analyze it. But we can’t logic ourselves out of mental or emotional trauma. We can’t always reason with emotional reactions. Pairing this belief-shifting method with therapy and other modalities of wellbeing helped me tremendously. Maybe it’ll help you too. Maybe it won’t. Only you can decide what’s best for your own self-growth journey.
I simply wanted to open a discussion on the relation between trauma and belief as a tool. It’s difficult. Trauma can be extremely debilitating. But it’s not a hopeless journey. Embodying a practice of wellbeing is a trail-and-error process of actively applying that practice to all areas of your life. So keep trying. Keep pressing forward. Given time and effort, it’ll all work itself out.
Let me know your thoughts! I’d love to further this conversation!
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Alyssa
